Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
