were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
