Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're making bets on your personal life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
