wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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