I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
