Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
