YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
