I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
