i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
