Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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