I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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