Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
