I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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