I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
