Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish I could teleport
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked