She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.