I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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