some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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