Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
