Small penises have feelings too.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
