The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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