legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
