I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
