He kissed a someone with a penis
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
