Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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