is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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