i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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