At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
