i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize