the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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