doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
