Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
