Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
