dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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