I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
