There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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