I wannas sexs uuuuu
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
