I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
