And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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