Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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