Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
