normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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