Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
