Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
