Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just gift wrapped bread.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
