Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
