You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
