My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Screwed.edu
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
