Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
