that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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