i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
