dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
