I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
