OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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