I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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