i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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