Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
