Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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