I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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