Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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