my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
