I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk is not a location!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
