Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
