You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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