My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
