I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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