It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
