I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
