Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
