I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
