can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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